I am counting my lucky stars. Really I am.  For although I have misplaced and deformed nipples from breast cancer interventions (written previously about here… Nipple Ripples) I am lucky. 

In that post, I went to the trouble of drawing an annotated diagram as to the degree of nipple wonkiness which I was having to face.

Unfortunately, despite being two and a half years past diagnosis, I am still stuck at Diagram B.
Unfortunately, despite being two and a half years post diagnosis, I am still stuck at Diagram B. But I am cancer free!
Then another time, obsessed by my lack of symmetry and by the cancer trauma that I had endured, I photographed a wonky cup cake at a school fair because it reminded me of my chest.

This post was so offensive to a person that they complained to the head of the hospital where I was being treated, who rang me and asked for my blog to be censored.

What was I thinking writing truthfully about events that occurred as a breast cancer patient, writing purely from my heart and conveying my own warped, personal narrative with a dash of cinematic lilt? Crazy right!? Some people take themselves far too seriously.  They really do!

Anyway, I digress.

The offensive cup cake that no-one  wanted to be associated with.  (In my blog)
My point here, despite my wonky arsed (8 o’clock and 2 o’clock facing) nipples, despite my you-know-those-plastic-Ikea-bowls-people-feed-their-children-with tissue expander boobs, despite my stunning transformation into George Costanza with permanently thinned and balding hair, despite the humongous weight gain I have experienced since two mastectomies, four surgeries, chemo, rads and Tamoxifen, despite the recent battles with severe mood swings and my cry me a river sessions as I enter chemically induced menopause from my newly acquired Zolodex monthly injections, despite all of this I am LUCKY!!!

How? I hear you ask?

I am lucky because (as well the obvious win of presently being cancer free), my partner, my love, my husband, the man of my life, the father of my children, is nothing like the man mentioned below.

I was astonished last month when I read in the news a story that came out of Canberra. The title… “I wouldn’t have married her if I’d known she had deformed nipples’: ex-husband”.  You can see the article here. 

I read all sorts of classy stuff. It’s true.

So, a pair of deformed nipples single-handedly doomed a marriage and ended one husbands affection for his wife.  Apparently, he IS A DICKHEAD! had been unhappily married to her since 1975 but had stayed with her for the sake of the children, despite living as man and wife through to the late 2000’s. The excuse “I wouldn’t have married her if I’d known she had deformed nipples” was used by the man seeking to reduce the amount owed to his wife in divorce proceedings in Canberra.

He said that.

In a Court of Law.

What a repulsively stupid, wonky donkey he is!

*Apologies to any donkeys that take offence. I love donkeys.  I really do.